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PARENTING: Changing Role of Motherhood: Expectation vs. Reality
Dr. Amy Tiemann, mom advocate and author of "Mojo Mom: Nurturing Your Self While
Raising a Family," can offer thorough research on the changing role of
motherhood in women's lives today: "The gap between expectation and reality
is one of the most difficult challenges women face when adjusting to
motherhood. We see this gap even within the birth experience itself. The
medical system needs to involve women in their birth experiences in a more
active way, so that women can enter into motherhood with a sense of power."
PARENTING: Making Caregiving a National Priority
Amy Tiemann, Ph.D., author of "Mojo Mom: Nurturing Your Self While Raising a Family": "During the past few years, we've seen the rise of the 'Mommy Wars.' These explorations, while creating an often-messy public debate, have led the latest generation of parents to examine motherhood with all its accompanying joys, sorrows and seemingly endless work. It's time to write a new narrative to guide our discussions about family life. What we need is an awareness campaign about making the invisible work of life visible and, then, dividing it fairly. Help is on the way, if only the baby boomers will open their eyes to the coming trends and join forces with parents of young children to make caregiving a national priority."
Mommy Wars
"During the past few years, we've seen the rise of the 'Mommy Wars.' These explorations, while creating an often-messy public debate, have led the latest generation of parents to examine motherhood with all its accompanying joys, sorrows, and seemingly endless work. We've wrung out all the wisdom we're going to get from this conversation. It's time to write a new narrative to guide our discussions about family life. What we need is an awareness campaign about making the invisible work of life visible, and then dividing it fairly. I believe that help is on the way, if only the Baby Boomers will open their eyes to the coming trends and join forces with parents of young children to make care giving a national priority."
"I have several strategies for healing the mommy wars. First and foremost is to decide that it's time to work together. Any effort that women spend judging each other is wasted energy that could be used instead to work together for common goals. If you think about it, there is really no "us" versus "them," only "us." Nearly eight of 10 American women return to work by the time their first child reaches five years of age. Despite the stereotypes you see in the headlines, becoming a stay-at-home mom is not a one-way trip out of the paid workforce for most women."
Guilt
"Mothers can feel guilty for just about anything that they might be lacking. The complimentary types of guilt felt by stay-at-home Moms and employed Moms reveal the vicious cycle of guilt and projection that we create for ourselves. I think of this cycle as 'the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence, and I resent anyone whose grass is greener than mine.'"
"Self-sacrifice is tightly woven into the fabric of our cultural definition of motherhood. 'Mother' inherently implies a relationship between two people—how would you illustrate a mother without including a child in the picture? Therefore, it is not surprising that any attempt by mothers to carve out time away from their children to pursue their separate interests and identities can feel threatening to the whole concept of motherhood. Motherhood is "supposed" to be the ultimate selfless job, so mothers are conditioned to feel that it is wrong for to ask for things that are just for themselves."
Expectations of being a Mom
"The clash between expectation and reality can be one of the most stressful aspects of the initiation into motherhood, especially for women who are used to being in control of their lives. Motherhood is an exercise in letting go of absolute control and making peace with chaos. One of my goals is to reduce the shock of becoming a mom by giving women a more realistic view of what motherhood is really like."
Regaining Identity as a Mom
"When you are watching over your child, even if he is sound asleep in another room, there is a powerful sense of "mom vigilance" that is always humming in the background of your mind. This powerful survival tool is an amazing gift and skill. However, it is draining to have your subconscious radar turned on 24/7, which is why I advocate the absolute necessity of creating regular opportunities for personal time."
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